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After being in separated ways for over 25 years since our graduation, some of my friends and I recently decided to have a reunion. Being happily married wife (although we do have intense moment at times) and a mother of two teenage kids, I was happy to share how my life had gotten into an exciting journey with my family. Sitting among my friends, I suddenly realized that not all of them were excited and thrilled to share their life stories. Two had been divorced for a while and living with kids with very minimal child support to none. One remained single because of her heart-broken experience. The remaining four friends were still intact in their marriage but half of them admitted that they were only in survival mode in their relationship due to their spouses’ infidelity. One of them even expressed bluntly that she could have taken a different journey by marrying someone else.

Failed and Idle Marriage is the Devil’s Agenda

It is known that marriage is under attack in every corner of the world. Christian marriages are not immune to relationship problems and conflicts that lead to marital crisis. Satan tries hard to attack the utmost blessings that can fulfill our needs through marriage life. Marriage is supposed to be a playground of love and intimacy that provides comfort and peace, but sometimes that seemingly suitable relationship can easily turn to selfishness and resentment. The couple fails by focusing on their self-seeking interest as the hidden agenda in their marriage relationship. The devil would try in his every possible way to cause diversion. He is the master of deception and diverts our minds from “the pure devotion to Christ,” (2 Corinthians 11:3). We, along with our marriages, are part of the Great Controversy that will undoubtedly contribute to the end-result of this ongoing spiritual warfare. The Bible warns us in 1 Peter 5:8, “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”

It is never God’s intention for man to suffer because of His beautiful design given as a gift to His children (Ephesians 5:25). The devil takes pleasures in human suffering for it creates anxiety in God’s heart. It was already hard for me to listen to my friends’ frank admission and upfront life experiences. Whenever God sees a married couple turn cold and welcome enmity in their relationship, it must be a heart-wrenching experience that His given blessings is being perceived as a curse.

God’s Clear Definition on Marriage

Marriage ceremony is always a joyful occasion with high hope and great anticipation of a successful relationship. However, there are times that the later by-product of marriage can be a very disappointing and a painful experience. We must also realize that, although this group of my friends whom I met during the reunion were non-Christians, each of them also reflects glimpses of Christian marriage today. One insightful question that we keep asking: “How have many Christian marriage survived the tribulation of life and storms in their relationship and could still make it through till the end of their life journey together?” Up to this day, the only answer that I have received is, “It is only by God’s grace.” Let us reason and define this marvelous grace of God upon blessed marriage together.

Marriage is God’s Redemptive Plan for Man. Marriage is so important that God uses to imply the relationship of Christ and His church (Oliver & Oliver, 2015). It is sacred, holy and whole in all dimensions of life. God knows our needs and deep longing desire for physical, emotional, social, and spiritual partnership; thus, He designed marriage as a tool for us to enjoy our lives in a more abundant manner. Whenever life journey gets rocky, we are within God’s reach through our spouses’ tender loving care. The kind words, self-control, patience, gentleness, and forgiving spirit are always love-winning characters. The experiences of living and sharing lives between husband and wife will help sanctify us daily. We grow into maturity together in our close relationship with each other (Ephesians 4:15).

Marriage Life is a Higher Calling and a Given Responsibility. Marriage is a higher calling for it requires responsible, committed, and spiritual individuals to be together and remain in the relationship. We are called by the union of marriage to exercise and demonstrate all fruits of the Spirit so that we may claim this special blessing. In Hebrews 13:4, Apostle Paul said, “Let marriage be held in honor among all…” As Christians, we are destined, honored, and called to be each other’s spiritual mentor regardless of us being a husband or wife. A Christian couple spiritually and responsibly partners for life in both good and bad times.

Relationship is About Love, Grace, and Mercy. The establishment of a fruitful Christian marriage is well-grounded by Christlike love and grace. It is a covenant that has been sealed by God with His blessings (Proverbs 5:18, 19). God first generated His love in the Garden of Eden, and He desires us to replicate that same type of love to our spouses. The absence of His love would break the chain of grace and mercy. As a result, it would bring in doubt, distrust, distance, and separation. Ephesians 4:2 suggests, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." John 15:12 instructs, “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." Christian love is selfless, forgiving, and giving. We choose not to keep the record of the wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:5); and we do not count how much we give but we how much we receive. It is good to remember that we are the undeserved recipients of God’s love and grace that should be our way in demonstrating of His love for those who seem unlovable in character. 1 Peter 4:8 says, “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” And very importantly, “…for the man who loves his wife loves himself,” (Ephesians 5:28). Loving our spouses is a way of loving ourselves.

Failing Marriage Can Only Be Saved by Grace. Through His marvelous grace, God expresses His abundant love to us. This is a vital part of the thriving relationship; however, many marriages lack this very important key ingredient. Ironically, many spouses are inclined to to show grace to others whom they do not even know well than they are to their husband or wife. Much of the disappointing and failing marriage is due to the absence of grace practice. Just like us, sinners, who have been saved by Chris’s grace, our failing marriage requires God’s grace and grace on our part to be saved. Grace can only be harvested from the Christlike, unconditional, and undemanding love that grow continually in the mind of the married couple. The Bible says in 2Corinthians 12:9, “But he said to me ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, I will boast more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” With our human nature we can only be made strong by God’s given power. The strength to admitting our own flaws and the strength to make an apology and have a willing heart to forgive only comes from God.

Resiliency of Marriage Comes from the Power of Prayer. A prayerful couple remain in their marriage regardless of circumstances. Bible says, “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.” (1John 5:14). It is only when a couple pray together for the revival in their marriage relationship that their hurts, pride, emotional distance, and self-focused feeling be melted down by their humility being expressed and heard before God. God enables for the capacity to recover quickly from such negative perception and resentful feelings toward one another. He alone can restore their fondness toward one another and revive the undemanding love between them.

Conclusion

As of those answering how their Christian marriage survived and thrived over tests and trails, it should be our ultimate answer that it is only by God’s power and grace. We have nothing to be boastful about how we have done it. Ephesians 2:8-9 says, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.” Thus, thriving marriage is only made possible if we remain in constant relationship with God. By having Christ as the center of our relationship, the fruits of the Spirit will continue to flow within us. Therefore, for those who feel drained and shattered in our current relationship, let us seek God to renew our strength to forgive, love, and trust again. Never give up because your marriage is worth saving. Continue to pursue your spouse and win his or her love and revive your relationship with God’s redeeming and abundant grace!

References

BibleStudyTools.com (n.d.). Retrieved on May 3, 2019 from https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/marriage-bible-verses/

BibleGateway (n.d.). Retrieved on May 3, 2019 from https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians+4%3A15&version=NIV

Oliver, W. & Elaine Oliver (2015). Real Family Talk. CA: Pacific Press.