Ministries

All parents desire to be effective and have a smooth parenting experience. And the outcome or by-product of their effort is for their children to develop matured and wisdom-filled thinking individuals. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” This verse suggests that it is not about what we tell them to do, but it is the matter of their grappling skills under effective parenting effort. Sensible children understand that their decision making can impact their lives and that they value those pleasant experiences from making right choices in the past. A well-balanced parenting does just that. Parental effort and involvement will focus on training and guiding children in their thinking and reasoning according to their developmental stages. Children’s thinking capacity must consistently and continually be mentored. Even into adulthood, in a person’s lowest and desperate times of life, there is still a need for a kind of mentor who is truly empathetic and feels their sorrow and joy.

Tips from Mrs. White for a Well-Balanced Parenting

The Bible and Spirit of Prophecy by Mrs. Ellen G. White have provided wisdom and directives on the right parenting scheme that is more balanced and wholistic in nature.

Know Your Children Personally and Intimately. When it comes to parenting model, children do have preferences. Some seem to thrive under strict parenting and other are withdrawn. We must know what motivate them more in their learning whereas we also facilitate them well in the process of character building. Mrs. White warns, “There is danger that both parents and teachers will command and dictate too much, while they fail to come sufficiently into social relation with their children or scholars,” (CG, 265.1). Knowing our children personally and intimately will give us insights as what to do in a given situation and how to appropriately and sufficiently guide their mind in the decision-making process.

Keep in Mind the True Purpose of Parenting Education. Ellen G. White says, “What is the great aim and object of their education? Is it to fit them for life and its duties, to qualify them to take an honorable position in the world, to do good, to benefit their fellow-beings, to gain eventually the reward of the righteousness? If so, then the first lesson to be taught them is self-control, for no undisciplined, headstrong person can hope for success in this world or reward in the next,” (CG, 91.1). Be purposeful as Mrs. White warns, “Neglect of duty, injudicious indulgence, failure to restrain or correct the follies of youth, will result in unhappiness and finally ruin to the children and disappointment and anguish to the parents,” (CG, 258.1).

Set Your Clear Expectation.Expectation is important and it should be achievable. Parents must also create both short term and long-term goal. Like academic achievement, character building is a process and it is under both short -term and long-term goals. As the children proceed, parents must also allow children to fail and continue to be positive on them. We must be sure that our expectation is also realistic and attainable for our children; and we must also not forget to create a set of expectation for ourselves in effectively modeling their behaviors.

Train the Child to Yield to Your Expectation. Children must be taught to obey from an early age when their physical, mental, social, and emotional dependency are upon their parents. Mrs. White says, “Mothers, you should train your children to yield to your wishes. This point must be gain if you would hold the control over your children and preserve your dignity as a mother. Your children will quickly learn as what you expect of them, they know when their will conquers yours, and will make the most of their victory,” (CG, 91.2).

Responding with Self-Control and Employ Empathetic Approach. Upon teaching the children, parents need to exhibit self-control themselves at home. This includes self-control in appetite (food), temper, and passion (media, facebook, gaming, fashion, etc.). Parents must model the rightful habits. Mrs. White states, “The scolding and faultfinding of parents encourages a hasty, passionate temper in their children,” (CG, 94.2). Parents must understand their struggles to face powerful distractions around them and make them feel that they are not alone. Responding to children empathetically needs great patience and practice but they deem for huge benefits.

It is a Teamwork. Both parents must agree on set of disciplines and expectation. Parenting is a teamwork that need to be agreed upon. Failing in teaming up for effective parenting purpose may cause confusion and noncomplying and rebellious attitude in children. Mrs. White says, “Uniform firmness and unimpassioned control are necessary to the discipline of every family,” (CG, 264.1). When both parents are teamed up, their effort always yields a greater result.

Keep Guiding and Guarding Children’s Mind and Behavior Dutifully. A single mother was facing hard times with her two young girls when I paid a visit. They were continually crying, screaming, and seeking their mother’s attention. When the needed discipline was suggested, she admitted that she always felt sorry for her two young children having to lose their father at a very young age. As a mother, I do understand perfectly that kind of sorry feeling. To be able train children to govern themselves responsibly, we must separate our feeling and what we must do at times. Such children also deserve to be trained normally so that they could grow up and become normal individuals with a well-balanced mind and action, and parents must begin at young age. Mrs. White says, “Love has a twin sister, which is duty. Love and duty stand side by side. Love exercised while duty is neglected will make children headstrong, willful, perverse, selfish, and disobedient. If stern duty is left to stand alone without love to soften and win, it will have a similar result. Duty and love must be blended in order that children may be properly disciplined,” (CG, 258.2). Parents must try to stay balanced in their parenting scheme. A healthy and well-balanced emotional and mental development in children requires a balanced act on parents’ part. I find both parenting styles to be very beneficial if we blend well and execute them in a balanced manner.

Use Praise as a Tool, Not as a Weapon.To promote self-esteem and emotional development we must employ praises as a tool for them to feel confident and grow emotionally secured. Overdoing it, however, can do much harm to them. If praises are misused by overusing them, children may become overconfident and arrogant in nature. They may tend to be misled to self-absorption, and deceptive even to their own perception. Unrealistic praises and overdoing practice by parents and adults will cause the children to drown into the pool of self-obsession. Proverbs 26:28 says, “A lying tongue hates its victims, and a flattering mouth works ruin.” If the saying does not help the hearers, just do not say it. Our love for them must be based on fact and genuine interest.

Conclusion

Christian parents who carry on their parenting responsibility dutifully in Christlike authority may succeed in raising and training up well-balanced children in mind and spirit. The Bible says, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change,” (James 1:17). Christian parenting responsibility can never be fulfilled unless our children inherit from us the spiritual legacy, the most valuable gift from us; for this legacy will help safeguarding and providing them for life, ensuring even their reward of righteousness in the world to come!

Sources

White, Ellen G. (n.d.). Child Guidance. Retrieved from https://m.egwwritings.org/en/book/8.390#408